The Christian Marriage

By Glenn Goodwin

Part of the mission of the church is to promote strong families. It is impossible to have a strong church composed of weak families. Marriage is part of God’s order for humanity. It may not be God’s individual will for everyone to be married, but marriage, as an institution, was created for mankind in the Garden of Eden – as a benefit and blessing.

We can have stronger, more peaceful, more blessed, more ideal marriages and families. While the Lord does not promise every one of us material wealth, or even physical health, He has given us the resources we need to have a happy home. No child of God has to live in an unhappy, unchristian environment.

Marriage

In this issue, we will address Christian marriage; later parts of this series will progress to family life. Let me first state that it is not God’s will for everyone to marry. Jesus said that some were eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. Matthew 19:12. Paul felt, that for the time they were in, that the single life was best. I Corinthians 7:26-27. But for most people, most of the time, the will of God includes marriage.

Marriage is a part of every society. Even pagan society, and the ungodly pseudo-Christian society we have today, have always had some sort of marital relationship between couples. Modern society has greatly diminished the binding effect of marriage – with easy, multiple divorces, extramarital sex, and homosexuality – but marriage is still regarded as a normal part of modern life.

Throughout history, nearly every society saw marriage as necessary. It was seen as permission for a man and wife to engage in sexual relations, it was seen as a safe and wholesome way to raise children, and it was an important part of every functioning economy. But in true Christianity, marriage reaches its highest potential.

Among God’s people, marriage is sacred. The family is a creation of God. He created families to ensure that truth and godly order are maintained and passed on from generation to generation.

A Christian family is formed when a Christian man and a Christian woman swear before God that they will cherish, honor, keep, and support each other, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times, as long as they both shall live. This is a sacred, binding oath. It is a sin to break the vow you made – not just to each other, but to God.

In Genesis one and two, we see that God ordained marriage and families. He did so before man had sinned. The marital relationship is perhaps our only remaining tie to the Garden of Eden. When it is functioning properly, and when a man and a woman really manifest a sacrificial love for each other, marriage can be a little bit of paradise in the midst of a cursed world. Life is hard; there are problems on the job; there are bills to pay; and so much more – but the home can be Eden’s garden.

In a Christian marriage, a woman can reach her full potential. Proverbs 31:10-11 shows that a good wife is a valuable treasure. In a Christian marriage, a husband rises to his highest potential. I Peter 3:7 says that a husband and wife are heirs together of the grace of life. When their relationship is right, there is no hindrance to answered prayers.

When the New Testament was written, Roman law did not give many rights to the wife. Only men could be citizens, and only men had legal rights. Even the Mosaic law of the Jews did not really give women a lot of rights or elevate her. She was viewed as only a helper for her husband.

But in the new Christian religion of 2000 years ago, marriage was elevated to a height it had never known, perhaps since the days of the Garden of Eden. The wife’s position in the home is as great and as sacred as the position of her husband. She is not just a helper in this present world; she is a fellow-heir with him of eternal life.

Jesus died for the church. Ephesians 5:25. A Christian marriage shows the wonderful love between Christ and His church. No other analogy would have done. There is no other institution with which humans can relate which would demonstrate the great love of Christ for the church. Our Lord loved the church enough to die for her. His love for her was self-sacrificial.

In verses 22-23, the Apostle Paul wrote that Christian marriage is a mystery, because it is to show the devotion, the love, the fidelity, and the sacrifice of the relationship of Christ and His church.

Any marriage that does not accurately portray the loving relationship of Christ and His church is out of biblical order. Husbands and wives, maybe you should talk about this. How does your marriage measure up? Are you devoted to your spouse, like Christ is devoted to His church? Are you mentally and actually maintaining true fidelity? Fidelity means keeping your vow of devoting your sexual relations to only your spouse. Any actual contact with another is adultery. But Jesus said mental lusting after another is adultery, too. Matthew 5:28. The homes of the married couples in the body of Christ should have the peace and tranquility that characterizes the relationship between Christ and His redeemed. If not, then we need to work on getting there.

A godly home is to be a miniature representation of the coming kingdom of God. While it cannot eliminate death and all of the effects of the curse, family life should be indicative of the coming kingdom order. It should reflect the wisdom and gentleness of command seen in Jesus. It should reflect the obedience, the unity, and the mutual confidence that will characterize the millennial kingdom.

The true church is to also be a miniature representation of the kingdom. Biblically the church is above the family. You can see this in Paul’s writings to the Ephesians. He proceeded through that letter in a specific order. In chapter four, and part of chapter five, Paul gloried in the church, using lofty language to describe its greatness, its mission, its ministry, etc. Then, part way through chapter five, he writes about the order of a godly family. The church is first, the families are second, but the church cannot go on to perfection if the families in it are not going on to perfection.

We need a strong church; but the church can be no stronger than the combined strength of the families that are a part of that church. It is impossible to have a strong church composed of weak families. While we focus much attention on obtaining divine order in our church, we cannot neglect the need for divine order in our families.

I think the primary reason for the continual growth of some cults is the perception that they are a “family-oriented” group. People who know very little about their doctrines (which are truly strange) admire the closeness of operation of these families. The body of Christ should not pattern after this Babylonish organization, but I believe the families in our churches should be better, sweeter, more godly, more holy, more loving, more involved, more united, more exciting, more peaceful, more gracious, more refined, and happier than the families that make up the churches of Babylon.

The Christian Husband

Although men and women are equal before God, the Lord intended for them to have diverse roles and responsibilities. Galatians 3:28 states the glorious truth that in Christ, there is neither male nor female. Yet, the head of the woman is the man. I Corinthians 11:3. The husband is the head of the wife. Ephesians 5:22-25. In any venture, someone has to be in charge, whether it is a business, an army troop, or a Christian home. In God’s order, the husband is in charge in the home – not as a despot or dictator, but as an example of gentleness and grace.

One of the problems in modern society, which has led directly to the breakup of many homes, is the refusal to abide in the order God intended for families. God instituted marriage. Genesis 2:18-24. He intended for it to be a blessed, rewarding experience, for both the husband and the wife. A family is not to be characterized by bitterness, frustration, arguments, discord, etc.

The Bible teaches that a husband should assume certain leadership responsibilities. Modern society disagrees. Modern society is wrong. I Corinthians 16:13-14: “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity.” In this statement, the Apostle Paul offered four major points as qualifications for leadership that apply to a husband in the home.

First, he must be alert. The scripture says, “Watch ye.” This alertness is particularly directed toward spiritual dangers which threaten his home and family. He should have the foresight to see where actions and attitudes will ultimately lead. Proverbs 27:12. He must accept the responsibility for leading his family, and protecting them spiritually, emotionally, and physically. He is the one primarily responsible for seeing ahead, and being aware of pitfalls, traps and dangers for his family.

Second, he must be firm in the faith. He is to “stand fast in the faith.” Leadership involves portraying a correct example. A man should be active in the truth. He should have confidence in God, and the church the Lord has established. A wife and children must see their husband and father as a steady example of faith and truth. He should not send his wife and children to church; he should take them to church.

Many are soon shaken; it does not take much to rock their boat. Any wind of adversity tempts them, and tries their faith. But a wife and children need to see the head of the home holding steady in trials.

Third, the man must have strength. “Quit you like men, and be strong.” Fulfill the role God assigned to the male in marriage. The man cannot be morally weak. This does not involve the strength of muscles and body-building; rather, it is an inner strength to endure tribulations, trials, hardships, etc. Rather than being strong in the physical, they are to “be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” Ephesians 6:10. This strength enables a person to “stand against the wiles of the devil.” Verse 11.

The final characteristic of leadership is love. Love should be a major concern of all men. His other qualities – alertness, faith, strength – must always be tempered by love. If not, his alertness can turn into judgmentalism or harshness, his faith may be some hypocritical attitude of superiority, and his strength can turn to brutal force. But love, the charity of I Corinthians 13:4-7, can thoroughly infuse every aspect of life.

Of course, the greatest example for any man, any husband, any father, is the life of Jesus Christ. His relationship with the church is an example of how a husband and father should relate to his wife and family. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth it and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh . . . let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself.” Ephesians 5:25, 28-33.

The Apostle Peter also wrote about the relationship of a husband to his wife. “Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” I Peter 3:7.

It is important to realize that husbands dwell with their wives “according to knowledge.” That is, every aspect of the relationship is based on much consideration, contemplation, meditation. And the husband is to honor his wife. It is never right for a husband to disrespect his wife, publicly, or privately. God has ordained that a husband and wife are heirs “together” of the grace of life. Any husband who fails to live up to this standard will find that God is not answering his prayers.

So much more could be said about the role of the husband in a Christian home. Space limitations preclude a complete and thorough examination of the husband’s role. He must put his family’s interests ahead of his own. His love must be self-sacrificial. His family is more important that his career. He must be careful about his own morality. His mistakes affect not only himself, but his wife and his children.

A man has to be big enough to admit his mistakes. He also has to be big enough to correct his mistakes, and to go forward. He must provide for his family, or else he is despicable in God’s eyes. I Timothy 5:8. Providing for the family includes more than material provisions; a husband and father must also provide spiritual things.

The Christian Wife

Again, so much could be said about the biblical role, duties, and responsibilities of a Christian wife and mother. Space limitations preclude a full and complete discussion of these important biblical principles. While men and women stand equal before God, God created the woman different from the man. He designed her with unique sensitivity, and made her the type of His church. A godly woman, like the true church, is to be caring, sensitive, humble, modest, and giving. God created women with the qualities that He expects to find in His church.

Regardless of the current culture of the world, God expects Christian women to exhibit femininity. God abhors homosexuality, and any blurring of the two sexes. God’s expectation is that the two sexes be outwardly differentiated in three ways: by their hair, dress, and actions. I Corinthians 11:5-15 says that women should have long hair. Some don’t like it, but it is Bible. The Bible also demands that the sexes maintain a clear distinction in clothing. Deuteronomy 22:5. God hates effeminate men; femininity is reserved for women. I Corinthians 6:9.

When a woman becomes a wife, she assumes additional duties and responsibilities. God instituted the marriage. When a Christian man and woman enter into a marriage covenant, they realize that God joined the two of them together. Matthew 19:6. They did not just choose each other; the sovereign God of the universe joined them. The husband is to cleave to his wife, and they are to become one flesh. Genesis 2:24.

At the beginning of creation, God looked at the man He had made, and said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18. The Hebrew words for help meet indicate that a woman was created to assist Adam to reach complete fulfillment. Adam was incomplete. Eve corresponded to him perfectly – physically, mentally, emotionally, and in every way. Because of their differences, they completed one another. This was God’s plan. The introduction of sin into creation has not changed God’s original plan and purpose.

“Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22. The Greek word for “submit” means “to place in an orderly fashion under.” God is a God of order. There has to be some organization, and someone in control of any institution. In the home, the husband has to be the manager. The wife, therefore, is to be submissive to her husband. That does not mean she is a slave, nor that her husband completely dominates every aspect of her life.

She is to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ. Christ is a loving husband, who only seeks submission for the betterment of His church. When a wife has a godly husband, her submission is for her better. The husband is only concerned about what is best for his wife, for his family. That submission is not for the husband’s gratification of his dominance. And “submission” is not just for wives. Husbands must submit too. See I Corinthians 7:4. In fact, Ephesians 5:21 says that all Christians are to submit “one to another.”

Since marriage is a type of the relationship between Christ and the church, husbands must be ready to die for their wives. But wives must also be ready to live for their husbands. In God’s order for the marriage, the woman is to be weaker but not less intelligent; submissive but not subservient; and, subordinate but not inferior.

“Nevertheless, in [the plan of] the Lord and from His point of view woman is not apart from and independent of man, nor is man aloof from and independent of woman; For as woman was made from man, even so man is also born of woman; and all [whether male or female go forth] from God, [as their Author].” I Corinthians 11:11-12 — Amplified Bible.

A Christian woman is to be physically - a woman, emotionally - a lady; and spiritually – a Christian.

Our marriages in this fellowship of churches should be the most peaceful, most loving, most blessed marriages of any people on earth.