Church Bulletin Board Bloopers

Actual Posts on Church Bulletin Boards

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.  Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Don’t forget your husbands.”

"The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus."

"Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."  

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

Thursday night will be a potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church

The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for pancake breakfast next Sunday morning

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice.

Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement noon Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir

Hymn 43: "Great God, What Do I See Here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett

Hymn 47: "Hark! An Awful Voice Is Sounding"

(on a church bulletin during the minister's illness) GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better

Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow

Don't let worry kill you off--let the church help

The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones

The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir

Please join us as we show our suport for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance